A few weeks ago, my friend and I drove our cars to a mall so we could shop together before heading our separate ways. As soon as we arrived to the parking lot, she accelerated past me to grab the closest parking spot. Literally squealing her wheels to make sure she got the best space, she left me in the dust to find whatever might be left. Two days later, I went out to eat with another friend. She quickly gobbled her food and gulped down her wine, consuming most of what we had agreed to split. She never stopped to offer me more, then she announced at the end that I owed half the bill. Although I didn’t say anything in either of these cases, I felt silently resentful.
“What kind of a person rushes to help him- or herself first, completely disregarding someone else’s needs?” I thought to myself bitterly. “I’ve been told that I’ve got to put myself first more, and I know that I need to do a better job of balancing my giving and taking, but some of these people seem downright selfish.” “Even when I do jump in first, I always check in with the other people to make sure that they also get taken care of.” On and on I stewed.
Then, as I was driving through a gorgeous mountain pass the other day, it hit me. I was approaching the world from a place of lack. When we fear that there isn’t enough of something, whether it’s time, money, food, love, attention, or other resources, we may feel stressed and anxious, either rushing to make sure we “get ours” first or else resenting those who do. So focused on taking care of ourselves, we may not even realize that we’re shutting out other people’s needs.
What if, instead, I chose to view life through an abundance model? From this perspective, there’s plenty of everything for everyone – all the time. It doesn’t matter whether one or a hundred people jump in front of me to serve themselves first; there will be more than enough for me when I get there.
“But in reality, there are limited resources sometimes,” my friend Kelly pointed out. “I mean, let’s say there’s only one piece of chocolate cake left, and the other person takes it all without sharing.”
“Well, I could choose to look at it in one of two ways,” I responded. “I could either view things through the lens of lack, i.e. ‘I didn’t get to eat this dessert,’ and feel upset about it, or I could reframe to a place of abundance, i.e. ‘There will be other yummy desserts in my future.’ One lens makes me feel resentful and angry and causes me to go into competition; the other one helps me to feel relaxed, lighthearted, and not worry about other people’s actions.”
“What about the way we’re destroying the planet?” asked my friend John. “If there’s plenty of everything for everyone, why are we so worried about chopping down the rainforests and all that?”
“I’m not saying that we should recklessly use up what we have,” I answered. “We need to be diligent in how we use resources. Most of all, we need to replenish what we consume. A big part of why the earth is being depleted is that people often destroy and take without rebuilding and replacing. If we planted a tree each time we cut one down, the rainforests wouldn’t be endangered. If we gave food or water to someone else in need each time we took some for ourselves, there wouldn’t be such large-scale world hunger. OK, I’ll get off of my soapbox now,” I grinned.
“I don’t really think that my issue is viewing things from a place of lack,” remarked my life coaching client Sam. “I just like to do things quickly.” In each activity of his life, he pushes hard and fast, whether it’s completing a work task or doing his laundry. Meanwhile, whenever he or someone he’s with doesn’t move quickly enough for his liking, he becomes antsy and uptight, often snapping at people. I gently tried to point out that if in the bigger picture, he believed that there was all the time in the world to accomplish what he wanted to do, he might not feel so anxious or impatient with others. Not that real deadlines don’t exist, but most people I know whose sense of lack shows up in the context of time become so gripped about getting things done on their own self-induced, pressure-filled deadlines that they often become overwhelmed and lose the ability to prioritize. In addition, with people who honestly just like to do things quickly and don’t suffer from a perceived lack of time, there’s no negativity in their attitudes or interactions.
I personally have made a big shift in how I view time on the bigger scale of my life. I used to feel like I was running out of time to achieve my life goals, like finish my book and find my true love. I would get impatient and lose faith, which ironically slowed me down even further from realizing my dreams, distracting me from writing productively and negatively impacting my romantic relationships. Instead, in a big “a-ha” moment, I switched to the perspective of trusting that everything in my life was happening on exactly the right timeline and that whatever I hoped to have in my life would arrive just when it was supposed to. Not surprisingly, with that more trusting, positive attitude, things have indeed begun to “flow” more as I’ve begun attracting people and events into my life that are moving me much more clearly and quickly toward my goals.
It’s the same with money. Although some of my loved ones are very concerned about my low level of income right now, I feel calm and okay. I know that I am on the right path, and as a result, I trust that greater prosperity is coming soon. Besides, what good does stressing about money do? Not only will feeling anxious about my finances not change my situation, but I know from experience that it can actually prevent my ability to attract prosperity and receive it when it arrives.
So, to the people who race to the best parking spaces and guzzle the wine, I now say, “Go ahead!” There’s plenty more where that came from.
© 2010 by Laurie Gardner