A few weeks ago, I got a fabulous invitation to spend the winter holidays in Sicily with an Italian hottie I met there last fall. As I was mulling over his offer, I got a very direct gut answer: “No. It’s time to meet the One.”
Although it’s tempting to run off to Italy and play, I’m very clear: No more light, non-committal romances. Also, no more serious relationships with Mr. Wrongs or Mr. Almosts. I’ve had all the practice and learned all the lessons I need. The next man I date will be the one I marry. I’m Ready.
Being ready for true love is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because it means that you’ve opened your heart wide enough to trust and let someone in. Also a blessing, because once you’re ready to find your life mate, it likely won’t be long until you attract him or her. (That certainly seems to be the case for my now happily married friends.)
Being ready for true love is a curse because of the yearning. “How many more relationships and breakups do I have to go through?” the yearner laments. “When will I meet the One?”
Not to get too Buddhist over here, but yearning is a type of “clutching,” and it’s clutching that causes people to suffer. Yearning for partnership can cause us to ignore red flags and jump into a wrong relationship. When (not surprisingly) it doesn’t work out, we feel disappointed and heartbroken. In truth, our sadness isn’t about that particular person, who wasn’t right for us anyway, but about still being alone, without our life mate.
If you’ve recently broken up or have gotten divorced, see it for the gift that it is. Chalk another one up to experience; now stay more clearly focused on what you really need and want. Take good care of yourself and spoil yourself until the pain passes, then breathe a huge sigh of relief. By stepping away from the wrong person, you’ve just made space for the right person to arrive.
If you’ve lost a partner or spouse and are still single, it may be time to check in. Are you feeling excited or guilty about moving on? You’ve been blessed with already experiencing real love in this lifetime; does your spirit want to feel that deep connection again? Knowing that “living happily ever after” has a finite timeline (for all of us), are you willing to open again, no matter how long “ever after” may last this time?
When you’re ready for lasting love, the trick is to be receptive to finding it, but not spend all of your time wishing and looking for it. It’s like putting a sign on the door that says, “Door’s open, come on in,” then going about your business, rather than pumping the streets searching or waiting each night by the window for your prince or princess to arrive.
I’m not saying not to keep “getting out there,” but it’s all about attitude. Go to the next party or on the next date with the attitude of, “Why not? We’ll see what happens,” rather than, “Ooh, please let me meet him/her tonight!”
When you meet someone you think might be special, get to know him or her first. Ask your gut if they’re a good match for you, paying attention to any red flags or areas where it doesn’t feel like a fit. Listen closely to any insights or impressions from friends and family who know you well. The better you become at “pre-screening,” the less wasted time and heartache later.
Be especially wary of people who are so eager to meet their mate that they’re just looking to “insert life partner here,” rather than truly seeing you for who you are. If you’re told within the first few meetings, “You’d make a great mother/father for my children,” run! If a person immediately starts wanting to spend all of their time with you and begins planning their life around yours before they’ve really gotten to know you, it’s another bad sign. While it may feel flattering and exciting at first, they may be looking to fill a void in their own life, rather than being a healthy, whole person who sees you as adding even more value.
So here’s to all the Bravehearts who are ready to find the One. Have faith, but without expectations or timelines. Do what you love to do and spend time with people you’re close to. When your True Love shows up, you want to be happy and at your best.
© 2009 by Laurie Gardner