When’s the last time you had really amazing sex? When’s the last time you’ve moaned in ecstasy during an orgasm or while eating or drinking something that made your toes curl? When’s the last time you’ve gasped with delight at the beauty of a painting or sculpture, hooted spontaneously, or were moved to joyful tears by the colors of a really beautiful sunset? When’s the last time you’ve expressed uninhibited, passionate pleasure about anything?
Here in Italy, the whole country is alive with passion, in their approach to sex, food, art, fashion, and wine. For them, passion is vehicle for creativity and joy, and is paramount to living a good life. What have the Italians figured out that the rest of us have forgotten? If you’re Italian and have lost this drive, what have you forgotten amidst your own culture?
If you’re already having amazing sex and are regularly experiencing food, art, and nature orgasms, you can ignore the rest of this article. Get back out there and keep at it! For the rest of us, it’s time to ask ourselves why not. Why aren’t we allowing ourselves to just “let go” and experience full-blown passion?
Humans are sentient beings, born with the innate ability to experience pleasure and passion, not just sexual, but for life. In Eastern philosophy, there’s a whole energy center in the body (the second chakra) devoted to our sensuality, sexual energy, and passion. This energy underlies our ability to fully enjoy life and all it has to offer.
Unfortunately, thanks to the societal influence of various religious leaders, intellectuals, and politicians over the ages, human passion has been severely repressed in many places of the world. Passion was given a bad rap, as something selfish or “dirty.” As a result, humans have become more of a thinking, rather than feeling, species. Even here in Italy, Sensuality Capitol of the World, I’m meeting people who are completely caught up in their heads and using their brains to control their lives, rather than allowing themselves to just feel. Many people are now so intellectualized that they don’t even remember how to feel and literally have trouble naming what their feelings are in any given moment.
As kids, we were completely open, constantly expressing our every emotion. As adults, we sadly seemed to have lost the ability to let go and lose control. It’s time to remember and unleash our sensuality and passion.
I’m not advocating that we all become a bunch of reckless hedons, completely ignoring our brains and following only our impulses and desires. What I am recommending is that we regain balance between our emotions, intellect, spirit, and body. The imbalance is often caused by allowing our brains to control the other three parts of ourselves, rather than encouraging all four to work together as a team. If this is indeed your imbalance, I suggest giving your passion full reign for awhile. After you’ve remembered and have openly unleashed your sensual and feeling self, you can bring all four aspects back into harmony.
For example, if you have a romantic partner, and you’re not having powerful sex, get to the root of why not. Perhaps you’re not present during lovemaking, caught up in thoughts of your past day or planning for tomorrow. Perhaps you’re criticizing yourself or your partner for the ways you’re not being pleased or pleasing them during sex. Gently direct your mind away from your thoughts and judgments during lovemaking and directly tell your partner what you need to have a screaming orgasm. Ask him or her what s/he would like to have the same. While you’re at it, tell each other all the things you absolutely adore about each other. (It’s just as important to express our passion about someone or something as it is to feel it.) Reach ecstasy together; it’s your right to experience such intense, deep, connecting intimacy and pleasure. You chose to be together for a reason; it may be time to rekindle that spark.
If you’re single and don’t have a partner, ask yourself whether you are subconsciously afraid to open to the powerful, vulnerable pleasure of intimacy. Meanwhile, there are other ways to open up to your own passion. Smell, cook, and eat food you adore, paint, write, give yourself a screaming orgasm, watch movies that unleash your emotions, indulge at least once a week in your favorite hobby…or all of the above.
The secret to amazing sex and other passions is giving yourself permission to let go and experience pleasure. Without judgment, fear, or criticism of yourself or others, just allow yourself to receive. Smell, taste, hear, look, feel. Allow yourself to be completely open and blissfully vulnerable to sensuality.
Too often, we work ourselves to death, leaving ourselves too stressed out and exhausted at the end of the day and week to have time and energy for pleasure. Other times, we use up so much of ourselves taking care of others that we’re too numb to give any pleasure to ourselves. You deserve to feel passion and pleasure. Don’t let anyone (or yourself) tell you otherwise!
Your homework assignment this week is to identify at least one thing that will make you scream or moan with pleasure. Your homework assignment by the end of next week is to experience it. I expect a full report….
© 2008 by Laurie Gardner