Recently, a friend gave me a book whose core message was to appreciate what we have, instead of always focusing on having more and being more.
My first reaction: Pissed. The author is wealthy. Easy to be happy with what you have when you’re sitting on piles of dough.
The writer goes on to say that even people who are financially secure often feel dissatisfied, seeking more stuff, more status, more achievements, and so on.
She gives examples of very poor villages around the world that work cooperatively to take care of each other and make sure everyone’s needs are met. I was still skeptical. I’ve lived in and traveled to many of those villages. Yes, they’re dirt poor, but it’s their culture to share and care for each other. How, in America – where independence, self-driven success, and increasing materialism are the celebrated norms – are we supposed to just be content with what we have?
After getting over my anger, I decided to see if I could apply the lesson to my own life. Could I really be at peace with myself exactly who and where I am right now – with no further hopes of more income, finding true love, or making a bigger impact with my work?
Suddenly, I had a huge a-ha: Appreciating what I have and who I am right now was the only way to stop feeling unhappy. All that endless striving toward more: more money, more contribution, more intimacy . . . it was keeping me in a constant state of feeling less-than and unfulfilled.
With a sudden burst of energy, I emptied my walls and house of all art and objects in which I had invested “yearning energy” of wanting to be or have more. My bulletin board over my desk, once plastered with fortune cookie fortunes (“You will soon acquire great wealth”), the feng shui objects meant to attract true love, inspirational quotes about manifesting my dreams . . . all of them got stuffed into boxes and put into my closet on what I (half) jokingly call my Shelf of Broken Dreams.
Interestingly, I didn’t feel depressed. I’ve been in that place of hopeless despair before, after years of devastating set-backs. But this time, while a little sad as I let go, I felt only clear – a sense of openness and blank space, all around me and in my heart.
I’ve always felt grateful for what I’ve experienced in life, what I have, and all my loved ones. But this is a whole new level: a deep acceptance that life doesn’t always turn out the way we hoped; we don’t always get what we want. . . and that’s okay. The only thing remaining on my bulletin board is a sticker I got from the grocery store that says simply, “Thank you.”
Is this peace? I don’t know. But this deep, calm acceptance sure beats the stress of constant striving. Does accepting and appreciating who I am and what I have now mean giving up hope for a better life or achieving my dreams? The way I look at it now is this: If any of my dreams do end up coming true, it’ll be a pleasant surprise. And if they don’t – well, I won’t miss them.
© 2018 Laurie B. Gardner
Comments 18
Thanks Laurie – great blog post! Your thoughts have been on my mind over the past weeks as I go about my daily tasks, and the responses and your return comments are great – the dialogue is rich. I think you are ‘spot on’ with your comments, and your immediate pro-active steps are plucky. ‘Happy’ brought back a memory of an award winning documentary film of that title that came out a few years ago; the filmmaker travelled the world to interview people on film and find out what makes people happy and contented with their lives. He found that once peoples’ basic needs are met, water, shelter, food, security, that material acquisition beyond that was a decreasing indicator of happiness. What made people happy was connectedness, community, family, contribution, giving, receiving, sharing a table with family and friends. He ranked nations around the world in terms of personal satisfaction, and the industrialized countries were not at the top; the US, despite all our material wealth and consumption, ranked 23rd. Thanks to your contemplations I will watch that film again, which for me should be a yearly ritual, a reminder of what is really important – which you by your shared thoughts and example create a virtual community that makes me happy!
Author
Thanks, Thayer! I remember that movie! Also that Bhutan (tiny 3rd world country) was ranked with the highest “Gross National Happiness” index.
Love the idea of an annual “remember what matters” ritual! 🙂
Count your blessings. Thanks for sharing! Love, I
Author
Indeed! 🙂
xo
Hi Laurie!
I really like this piece!
So true just being in that place of acceptance and feeling the full glass of what is!
I have a friend that came up with a phrase I like pondering ????
What is good today?
Your blog made me smile with satisfaction.
????????❤️
Author
Hi Darlene,
Nice to hear from you! Glad you enjoyed the blog. I like the pondering as well…
I loved this!! Very thought provoking!
Makes me think of mindfulness and staying in the moment! (Easier said than done, of course!)
That’s where true contentment is found–they say.
Reminds me to live by that wonderful motto-One Day at a Time!
Author
Hi Mary,
Glad you could relate! 🙂
I agree that it’s all about being the best, most loving person we can in the moment, to all those around us…it’s really all we can (and should) do…
Hi, Laurie—I really love this piece.
I imagine many, many people can relate to it, too.
Bravo!
Author
Thanks, Sarah! Yes, there has been a huge response to this one….
Nice post Laurie!
Thanks for keeping it going. Through the ups and downs. We all have them and it’s useful to hear that others are having them too and choosing to move forward.
Best,
Camille
Author
I totally agree . . . we need to share our experiences openly and honestly with each other so we don’t feel alone . . .
I do like this blog! And I believe acceptance and appreciation of the moment do not inhibit striving…perhaps for a different kind of enrichment…dare I say, of the soul.
Author
Indeed…well said! xo
That was great! With a wife that is much younger than me sometimes we are on a different page in our lives! Recently I have decided that “things” are not what is important in my life, but it’s “experiences” that are important! I firmly believe that! One other thought on things…heard a preacher say, “you know your treasures are your kid’s junk!” Lost my 95 year old mother last year…and that preacher was right! So, now when I try to decide if I want to keep something I hold it up and think to myself, “what will our son do with this?” And then I usually just toss it!
Author
Thanks, David! Yes, the clearing out of physical stuff in my house and on my walls was a huge part of the emotional clearing!
Laurie – I don ‘t think you know it – – but you’re WAY AHEAD of most of us! And don’t stop trusting yourself!
Author
Aww, thanks, Orv! Yes, trust is a key part of life…of ourselves, appropriate others, “the Universe,” etc.!